Often you hear people say “you are so lucky to have a husband that helps out around the house & with your child”. Um, come again? Shouldn’t that be the rule & not the exception? Why is it seen as ‘lucky’ when the father is actively involved in parenting the child HE made as well? Maybe it is strange to me as my own father was always supportive and actively involved in my life since I can remember. I am blessed with the MOST fabulous dad in the entire world, loved by many. He was always there next to the hockey field cheering me on & wouldn’t miss it for the world. That is what a father does & I have no doubt that my husband would do the same for our little M.
When your husband ‘helps out’ it is called PARENTING not BABYSITTING. He is actively involved in our daughter’s life and well-being. I really do have a great husband, the best! We all know how some men can be a bit nervous at first with this tiny little human, but that’s normal. Mom’s have mommy instinct that men have to learn, but this comes with practise and time spent together. I would always feel super bad when little M cried for mama only, now THANK GOODNESS daddy is her new bestie! I have a husband who actively helps out where he can. Firstly, he is a tad neat-freak so he is forever cleaning the house & telling me to put my things away (blessing in disguise). But I just love the way he interacts with our baba.
Mom’s shouldn’t be running around cleaning the house, cooking, fetching kids from school, etc. all alone. My husband often says he will take M to school, depending on how his work day looks. This means mamma gets to sleep half an hour later! On a Tues & Fri he fetches her too as I have extra murals at school. If I have work things at night or over the weekend, I let him know that it will just be the 2 of them. I do not ask “will you please babysit our child”. It seems I AM then lucky as this is not always seen as the norm by some people. Some still think that mom’s do it all when it comes to the kids.
If I am cooking, sometimes she is happy to just be playing on her own. Other times she is difficult and demanding, then I need help and he takes over, either with the cooking or with playing with her and making sure she is happy. I personally believe our children need to actively bond with their daddy just like their mommy. She needs to know we are both there for her and she can come to either one of us for anything she may possibly need.
That being said, we still have enough respect for each other to ask if we want to do something. I will not just book a hair appointment for a Saturday and inform him. I let him know this is what I would like & check that it is okay all round. He has a PS4 which he hardly ever plays. Sometimes I ask him if he wants to play. He thinks I am being super nice – actually I just want to watch Grey’s Anatomy! But my point being, he won’t take these things for granted, he will make sure little M and I are okay before just going to do it or just leaving me to do everything. Also, if there is something I want to do, I don’t take him for granted. I make sure he is okay before I just go and do it.
Even when she went through her “I-want-mommy” phase, he still constantly tried to bond with her and makes sure that we are both okay. He isn’t the biggest fan of poopy nappies, but he will do it anyway. Just as Murphy’s Law works, she will have the biggest dirty nappy on the mornings he takes her to school after I have left, haha!
I feel like this is an essential part of parenting as well as being happily married. We need to read each other and help out where needed. Friends and family babysit, but a dad parents. This isn’t the exception – this should be the rule. After all, there is nothing more beautiful than a daddy and his daughter bonding. It warms my mommy heart. Learn not to take each other for granted, but to appreciate and help out. Marriage is teamwork, parenting is also teamwork. My husband parents, and for that I am forever grateful.